This one is not for social workers. It is for the person on the other side of the door.
I have knocked on a lot of doors. If somebody knocked on mine, this is what I would do.
Ask who they are
Ask to see their identity badge. Read it. Ask which team they are from and write down their name. A real social worker will not mind, and will think better of you for it.
If you are not sure, ring the council’s main number, not a number they give you, and check.
Ask why they have come
You are entitled to know what the worry is. “We’ve had a referral” is not an answer. What did it say? What are they concerned about?
They may not be able to tell you who raised it. They should be able to tell you what it is about.
Ask what happens next
There are different kinds of visit, and they are not the same.
An assessment is them finding out whether your family needs any help. Most of these end with no further action, or with some support you can take or leave.
A child protection enquiry is more serious. It means somebody thinks your child may be at risk of significant harm. You should be told that this is what it is.
Ask which one this is. Ask what they will do with what you tell them, and when you will hear back. Ask for it in writing.
You do not have to be perfect
Nobody’s house is tidy. Nobody’s children are clean at five o’clock. I have never in my life written “washing up in sink” as a concern, and I would not trust anybody who did.
They are not looking for a show home. They are looking at whether your child is safe, fed, warm, loved and seen by a doctor when they are ill.
It is alright to be angry
Somebody has come to your home to ask whether you are a good enough parent. There is no way to make that pleasant.
You can be angry and still let them in. You can be angry and still answer the questions. Most of us can tell the difference between a parent who is furious and a parent who is dangerous, and the furious ones are often the ones fighting hardest for their children.
What helps least is shutting the door and not answering the phone. I understand it. I might do it myself. But a worker who cannot see a child has to assume the worst, because it is the only safe thing to assume.
Get somebody on your side
You can have somebody with you: a friend, a relative, an advocate.
If the council sends you a letter saying it is thinking about going to court, you are entitled to free legal advice, whatever you earn. Find a solicitor who does family law, and take the letter with you.
Family Rights Group give free, independent advice to parents and relatives in England. Their advice line is 0808 801 0366, and their website is frg.org.uk. Ring them early. People leave it too late.
Ask for what you need
This is the part that gets forgotten. Children’s services are supposed to help families. Checking on you is only one part of that.
If what would make the difference is a nursery place, help with a housing problem, or somebody to talk to about what is going on at home, say so. Say it more than once. Ask for it to be written down.
And if you get a bad one
We are not all good at this. If your social worker does not ring back, does not explain, or does not listen, you can ask to speak to their manager, and you can make a complaint. Doing that should not count against you. If it does, tell your solicitor.
What I would want you to know
The worker on your doorstep is probably hoping, as hard as you are, that there is nothing to worry about, and that the next time you see each other it is in the queue at the Co-op, where you can both pretend you have never met.
This is general information about England, and it is not legal advice. If you are worried about your own situation, speak to Family Rights Group or a family law solicitor.
Maisie x
Next in the notebook: What goes in the bag