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We Don’t Steal Babies is coming soon.About the book

Maisie MacDonald

The Book
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Notebook
2015 Archive
For Teams
About

A highly scientific assessment

Who are you on the duty desk?

Seven questions. No wrong answers. Several worrying ones.

1. It is 4:55pm on a Friday. The duty phone rings. You: Answer it. Obviously. Then cry about it later, in the car. Answer it, put the kettle on with your other hand, and tell the new starter to get her coat. Were already answering it. You had a feeling. Answer it and work out which meeting room is free before the caller has finished their name. Are not at work. You are on the sofa, judging.

2. Somebody has brought biscuits in. You take: Three, and then feel bad, and then take a fourth because you already feel bad. One. You brought them. None. You have an almond in your drawer. The good ones, from the tin nobody else knows about. Whatever falls on the floor.

3. Your case notes are: Heartfelt. Possibly too heartfelt. There is a sentence in there beginning ‘Seemed’. Short. Dated. In a notebook first, then on the system. You have never lost a note in thirty years. Court-ready. They were court-ready before the visit. Done. They were done by half past four. Do not ask how. You do not keep notes. You remember everything and forgive nothing.

4. A parent shouts at you on the doorstep. Afterwards you: Replay it eleven times and think of what you should have said at about 2am. Say, ‘She’s frightened. Wouldn’t you be?’ and start the car. Record it accurately, including your own part in it. Text a colleague a single word and get a single word back. Knock something off a shelf.

5. Your idea of self-care is: Wine, a list, and texting your best friend something you will regret. A long walk. Or the match. Or saying nothing for an hour. A run at six in the morning, which you do not talk about. Leaving on time, and not apologising for it. Sixteen hours of sleep, in a sunbeam, on somebody’s clean washing.

6. In a meeting, you are the one who: Nods at an acronym and looks it up under the table. Says one thing, near the end, and it changes the plan. Is chairing. Booked the room, brought the chronology, and knows where the projector cable is. Sits on the paperwork.

7. Pick a motto. I can fix this. Turn up. Keep turning up. If it isn’t written down, it didn’t happen. Everyone cries in the first month. Breakfast.

You are

Meet them in the book

This is for fun. It is not a validated tool. Do not put it in anybody’s appraisal.

Say hello

I read everything, and I answer what I can. maisie@secretsocialworker.com

Not about a real child or family, please. Why, and who to ring instead.

We Don’t
Steal Babies

A novel by Maisie MacDonald.
Coming soon in paperback and on Kindle.

maisie@secretsocialworker.com

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The year in numbers
The 2015 archive
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This is the website of a novel. Maisie MacDonald is a pen name. The people and cases in the book, and in the 2015 archive on this site, are invented. Nothing here is about a real child, family or colleague, and nothing here is professional or legal advice. If you are worried about a child, ring the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000, or 999 in an emergency. © Maisie MacDonald 2026.