There is a moment at every party when somebody asks what you do. I have tried the truth, and I have tried “I work for the council”, and I can report that the second is better for the evening.
If you tell the truth, one of these happens. I have listed them in order of how often.
1. “Oh, I couldn’t do that.”
Said kindly, by somebody holding a glass of wine, as though you had told them you clear landmines. It is meant as a compliment. It ends the conversation, which may also be what it is for.
2. “So do you take people’s kids off them?”
There it is. Usually with a laugh, to show it is a joke. It is not completely a joke.
I used to explain the Children Act between mouthfuls of sausage roll. It never went well. I now say, “The court makes orders. We bring the evidence. Also snacks,” and go and find the dog.
3. “My cousin had a social worker and she was useless.”
She may have been. We are not all good at it, and there are not enough of us. I do not defend her. I ask what happened, and I listen, and it is nearly always a story about somebody who did not ring back.
Ring people back. It is most of the job.
4. “You must see some terrible things.”
Yes.
They would like an example. They would like it to be bad enough to be interesting and not so bad that it spoils the buffet. I do not have one of those. I say, “I see some brilliant things as well,” which is true, and which nobody ever follows up.
5. The story
Once or twice a year, somebody waits until the kitchen is empty, and tells me something. About their childhood, usually. Sometimes about their sister’s children.
They are not asking what I do. They are asking whether it would have been alright to tell somebody.
It would. It still is.
6. “Bet you’re judging all of us.”
I am off duty. I am judging the playlist.
7. Silence, followed by a question about parking
Fair enough.
8. “I always thought I’d be good at that.”
You might be. We are recruiting. We are always recruiting. Bring a coat, the pool car heater is either off or volcanic.
What I would like you to say
“That sounds hard. Do you want a drink?”
That is all. You would be amazed how rarely anybody tries it.
Maisie x
Next in the notebook: A letter to whoever starts on Monday